Last evening GF was tired at 21.00 and I wasn’t long after. I had a talk with my ex sister-in-law, who happened to ring suddenly before I went to bed.
I only had my duvet sheet on and felt blown, so I took the filler and lay it on the top.
This caused me to start moving around and not have a nice early morning at all. I became tired and after breakfast I had to doze before GF took me to the physio place at Handen hospital. After talking and trying to walk for 5 min as my right leg is not nice, I sort of sais to the nice trainer that I did not know what I wanted my life to be.
Working at your muscles and stuff seem to be things that over do what actually the thing to be taken seriously is. I kind of understand that my life could be pleasing if I could travel to my sisters and their husbands. Staying at Goring-by-Sea with them would be nice.
I don’t really know how my life will page out. Just now I’m fairly clear that the life expectancy is not known and my cancer level is not showing if one takes the x-ray done on the 11th Aug. As the fatal part is a certainly, the time it takes to do something could be one year or 6 months or 4 years.
What I really want is to knowing how much nice time I have of my life yet? I don’t want to keep going to cancer therapy, taking it to do things they say will keep my alive longer. What do they know?
I have a session of capsules over 5 days, maybe more, sometime around the 20th October. Will have to see what date it will be as it will fuck, up I guess, our holiday to my sis and hub which have the last week free in Oct. Also my bloody knee hurts like hell.
Stephen
Tuesday, 12 October 2010
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Life & Death
So, the 4 weeks or so at the very good physio therapy staying place at Hästhagen is over for me. I said goodbye to all those I felt near to as friend and nurse and doctor. The details of the tablets and stuff was made clear and GF and I left the place.
My death is not really clear as to when and how it will happen. About two weeks ago, on the Wednesday evening I took me first of five capsules containing 250 ml of cancer med. Interesting to know that they don't know the level of cancer I have. They need to run two lots of this, the next at the end of Oct. Each 5 capsules is counted as one run. So, after this one they will x-ray me and take blood probably. I will find out about the result. Maybe I'll throw the whole thing in the river and show a strange empty of things but still get the Dr saying there will still be cancer lurking about.
So, lets see what Stephen's result will give and hope he can hold off the crap so he can visit friends out of land and, hopefully together with GF, have a nice time.
A couple of beers in the evening can be on the order list. Life is short, so something can be order with the nice meal attached.
Until the next blog I bid adjour to all readers.
Stephen
My death is not really clear as to when and how it will happen. About two weeks ago, on the Wednesday evening I took me first of five capsules containing 250 ml of cancer med. Interesting to know that they don't know the level of cancer I have. They need to run two lots of this, the next at the end of Oct. Each 5 capsules is counted as one run. So, after this one they will x-ray me and take blood probably. I will find out about the result. Maybe I'll throw the whole thing in the river and show a strange empty of things but still get the Dr saying there will still be cancer lurking about.
So, lets see what Stephen's result will give and hope he can hold off the crap so he can visit friends out of land and, hopefully together with GF, have a nice time.
A couple of beers in the evening can be on the order list. Life is short, so something can be order with the nice meal attached.
Until the next blog I bid adjour to all readers.
Stephen
Sunday, 3 October 2010
T-Minus 3½ days
The 3rd of October is now 20.29 and its one of the latest times I’ve spent out of bed. GF, my wonderful living with girl, fetched me from the staying place at Hästhagen Friday afternoon. I was a nice time to get away and GF made some lovely un-hurting stomach that appeared from me 2 weeks ago.
My tablets have lowered so I no more have the injection jab in the stomach or pills mind-day. GF is very clever at being a nurse and could run the taking of the white/light brownish tabs plus the dissolved ones. I’ll have to learn this to put her free to go straight to bed after 07.00 end of the night ward station. She works very hard.
I will be leaving Hästhagen on Wednesday this week and getting my rehab together in Handen, where is near to my flat. It will take some time to get me weight and strength together as they should be.
My car use is out of the window as is my pedal bike unless an absolute hidden amazement does work to my eyes and rest of me.
Eyes are not together at certain levels of movement and still not visible on the right after keeping the eyes straight and moving the finger over the right half. The left side is ok but the left and right eyes cannot see right zone. Urghh!
So, now is the time to wait to the call from the cancer people and see if the x-ray will show what the result will be from the non-destructing thing. Yes, although 3cmx1.5cm was fully removed, the cancer Dr told us the remaining stuff will keep eating at me. Sounds like a wonderful thing. I have no idea how low the cancer and how longer it can be kept.
If it takes a year and nothing really happens, I thing I would rather go on a holiday, drinking beer and wine, eating good food and die in the end. What’s the worse? I could get these things I take and still get the Death! My life will not be left with years of tries and pass away without good things.
I hope I get to experience this without the result of flames showing the end of me…
My tablets have lowered so I no more have the injection jab in the stomach or pills mind-day. GF is very clever at being a nurse and could run the taking of the white/light brownish tabs plus the dissolved ones. I’ll have to learn this to put her free to go straight to bed after 07.00 end of the night ward station. She works very hard.
I will be leaving Hästhagen on Wednesday this week and getting my rehab together in Handen, where is near to my flat. It will take some time to get me weight and strength together as they should be.
My car use is out of the window as is my pedal bike unless an absolute hidden amazement does work to my eyes and rest of me.
Eyes are not together at certain levels of movement and still not visible on the right after keeping the eyes straight and moving the finger over the right half. The left side is ok but the left and right eyes cannot see right zone. Urghh!
So, now is the time to wait to the call from the cancer people and see if the x-ray will show what the result will be from the non-destructing thing. Yes, although 3cmx1.5cm was fully removed, the cancer Dr told us the remaining stuff will keep eating at me. Sounds like a wonderful thing. I have no idea how low the cancer and how longer it can be kept.
If it takes a year and nothing really happens, I thing I would rather go on a holiday, drinking beer and wine, eating good food and die in the end. What’s the worse? I could get these things I take and still get the Death! My life will not be left with years of tries and pass away without good things.
I hope I get to experience this without the result of flames showing the end of me…
At Stephens borrowed PC in Hästhage!
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Sorry about the "fuck" word
So here I am and trying to get together the things that are waiting to be known.
I made it from Karolinska after surprising the Dr. She thought it very good and I was sent to Hästhage training at Ersta. My eyes are still not so good and I do as much training as is handled. As I was very light (71.6), it took me no good working on my right leg the first time.
All the exercises were done kneeling. They are very good and I give as well as I can. However I couldn’t get the foot up right side. After 4 half hour visits for knee training I was able to pull my leg up from the right side without help and alternate with the other several times. At last, a success.
We continue with twisting of body, push ups, turning over and doing push ups of the back. These things.....
I cannot really write these things. They form a detail of things that should show the “I’m going to fight my battle at its highest. I’m not and my eyes do actually fill with water at times.
Waking on the 27th Aug made me aware that something had occurred and the subsequent of listening of what had occurred was quite astounding to know. I do not still have a memory yet of my life since the 3rd Aug.
Everything that had been discussed with the Operation technician was after that very first meeting on 3rd Aug gone. I have been told I was put on the op table the 11th Aug to work on my cancer at the front left side, in with my right side vision stuff. I was worked on for a longer time than that was originally planned, but taken off after many hours. The op had begun to give wakey-wakey and was aware, they say, of the waking.
Suddenly, on the 12 they found a problem with blood on the left side, under the worked on area. The 13th Aug it became critic and I slept (for me to remember) until the 27th Aug. It was then I began to call after me lovely GF, who had been in contact with Dr’s, nurses and my nearest from my old marriage and the ex-brother and sister-in-laws. They had all waited for death or speech or walk ends to my 2½ weeks light slumber. I had shown another deal to my self and caused another reaction.
I was very weak as 2½ weeks showed me that time had shrunk me. After 9 days I had stuff they were surprised over and they said it was time to move to Hästhage near Sickle, Nacka.
I moves there with ambulance taxi and got a bed in a room with three other patients. One of them, who was older and wheelchair ridden, coughed and snorted for at least 1½ weeks before we and Jerzy, called Jerry, got a new guy called Micke. Better threesome.
However it’s difficult to work every training session that is booked up. I worked at 71.6 and tried do as much as I could. Sometimes, when getting ready for sleep, my eyes gave up and I got great soothing and understand from Tune, one of my nurses and other was my women Dr, Lotta.
This is the fourth day after cancer tube tablet. I have one evening this Sunday tonight and then its 23 days before the next lot if it’s decided. I have cried a deal for myself and with my GF, who cries too.
My life seems to be totally out of synch with things that are not in my life. My eye sight has not gained that I wish for and I wish one day it will. I would love to drive again but it seems that the vision from the central to the right side is missing. To follow the stuff on the right I must move my whole head to see where I am looking. Even during normal day times I get tired and my focus loses it. Having great look ability is not ok just now and, sadly, another fuck for crying sometimes.
So now it’s 26th Sunday and time for lunch. It will be my first pause for 23 days after the last of the chemo plastic pill which gets swollen this evening at 21.00 after injections and tabs for epilepsy. I wonder why so much of it when I have never suffered from it before? Aha, they gave me the sodden thing for the first time ever.
At Stephens borrowed PC in Hästhage!
I made it from Karolinska after surprising the Dr. She thought it very good and I was sent to Hästhage training at Ersta. My eyes are still not so good and I do as much training as is handled. As I was very light (71.6), it took me no good working on my right leg the first time.
All the exercises were done kneeling. They are very good and I give as well as I can. However I couldn’t get the foot up right side. After 4 half hour visits for knee training I was able to pull my leg up from the right side without help and alternate with the other several times. At last, a success.
We continue with twisting of body, push ups, turning over and doing push ups of the back. These things.....
I cannot really write these things. They form a detail of things that should show the “I’m going to fight my battle at its highest. I’m not and my eyes do actually fill with water at times.
Waking on the 27th Aug made me aware that something had occurred and the subsequent of listening of what had occurred was quite astounding to know. I do not still have a memory yet of my life since the 3rd Aug.
Everything that had been discussed with the Operation technician was after that very first meeting on 3rd Aug gone. I have been told I was put on the op table the 11th Aug to work on my cancer at the front left side, in with my right side vision stuff. I was worked on for a longer time than that was originally planned, but taken off after many hours. The op had begun to give wakey-wakey and was aware, they say, of the waking.
Suddenly, on the 12 they found a problem with blood on the left side, under the worked on area. The 13th Aug it became critic and I slept (for me to remember) until the 27th Aug. It was then I began to call after me lovely GF, who had been in contact with Dr’s, nurses and my nearest from my old marriage and the ex-brother and sister-in-laws. They had all waited for death or speech or walk ends to my 2½ weeks light slumber. I had shown another deal to my self and caused another reaction.
I was very weak as 2½ weeks showed me that time had shrunk me. After 9 days I had stuff they were surprised over and they said it was time to move to Hästhage near Sickle, Nacka.
I moves there with ambulance taxi and got a bed in a room with three other patients. One of them, who was older and wheelchair ridden, coughed and snorted for at least 1½ weeks before we and Jerzy, called Jerry, got a new guy called Micke. Better threesome.
However it’s difficult to work every training session that is booked up. I worked at 71.6 and tried do as much as I could. Sometimes, when getting ready for sleep, my eyes gave up and I got great soothing and understand from Tune, one of my nurses and other was my women Dr, Lotta.
This is the fourth day after cancer tube tablet. I have one evening this Sunday tonight and then its 23 days before the next lot if it’s decided. I have cried a deal for myself and with my GF, who cries too.
My life seems to be totally out of synch with things that are not in my life. My eye sight has not gained that I wish for and I wish one day it will. I would love to drive again but it seems that the vision from the central to the right side is missing. To follow the stuff on the right I must move my whole head to see where I am looking. Even during normal day times I get tired and my focus loses it. Having great look ability is not ok just now and, sadly, another fuck for crying sometimes.
So now it’s 26th Sunday and time for lunch. It will be my first pause for 23 days after the last of the chemo plastic pill which gets swollen this evening at 21.00 after injections and tabs for epilepsy. I wonder why so much of it when I have never suffered from it before? Aha, they gave me the sodden thing for the first time ever.
At Stephens borrowed PC in Hästhage!
Friday, 17 September 2010
Busy day
Today I woke up at 7.30. I got up around 8.00 and suddenly forgot where my small key was. I had breakfast and went back to my bed. I began to think and found it coververed in my necessary bag with my razor. Now I'm going to get a Mini key holder and use that!
At 10.00 I did a good half hour with my model Philipinne butterfly. I have almost drawn the outcast and can then cut the mpdel. This butterfly I saw live in the Stockholm glass visiting Hage area. I bought the car mounting sticker in 1988 and have had the same mounter still after changing 4 cars. I will make the ceramic one when I can.
Second 1/2 hr was Qi Zong and lots of moving arms and legs. Good training.
Last was Volley Ball with six a side! I could stand yet again and try to use my right eye. Its hard when you cannot see without following the whole area.
Now my hours are over until coming Monday. I am going to be at Hästhage this weekend as GF has night work. She will be free on Sunday and follow me to Karolinska at 9 am. That info will come.
Stephen
At 10.00 I did a good half hour with my model Philipinne butterfly. I have almost drawn the outcast and can then cut the mpdel. This butterfly I saw live in the Stockholm glass visiting Hage area. I bought the car mounting sticker in 1988 and have had the same mounter still after changing 4 cars. I will make the ceramic one when I can.
Second 1/2 hr was Qi Zong and lots of moving arms and legs. Good training.
Last was Volley Ball with six a side! I could stand yet again and try to use my right eye. Its hard when you cannot see without following the whole area.
Now my hours are over until coming Monday. I am going to be at Hästhage this weekend as GF has night work. She will be free on Sunday and follow me to Karolinska at 9 am. That info will come.
Stephen
Thursday, 16 September 2010
So today....
....was one of those breakfasts which was ok followed half hour of the knee usage to train the usage. This was done by an expert girl who has the expertise we follow.
We use kneeling and backwards laying. After 1/2 hour I'm knackered and the second 1/2 hour is not fully ok. I do get time running by Karim, who shows me how to run 1 kilo. It was good. After lunch and rest I had coffee at 14.00 and my GF came. I was ready to do more training but my good friends
were there. We had a good timd, we four. They were here a long time. I knew more were coming so said bye, ate late and met then the Huddinge Motorcycle group. This was good to and explained how thigs happened.
I hope everyone had a good time.
All the best
Stephen
We use kneeling and backwards laying. After 1/2 hour I'm knackered and the second 1/2 hour is not fully ok. I do get time running by Karim, who shows me how to run 1 kilo. It was good. After lunch and rest I had coffee at 14.00 and my GF came. I was ready to do more training but my good friends
were there. We had a good timd, we four. They were here a long time. I knew more were coming so said bye, ate late and met then the Huddinge Motorcycle group. This was good to and explained how thigs happened.
I hope everyone had a good time.
All the best
Stephen
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
So, what happened?
Everyone knew i was going to have an op.it was the 11th Aug in the morning.
I was given the os, where they cut off the left part of the skull and removes the cancer (i think).
I was brought around but do not remember. After two days, 13 Aug my brain was bleeding and a new op had to be done. This time I was caused to stay asleep i two & half weeks.
Every friend did not know the out come of my life.
The 17th I managed to briefly show some life.
The 27th Aug I awoke and my life, weak as it was,said hi! I had both feet, hands, sight and touch. I managed to surprise the Drs and my lover together with fam friends and also close work colleagues. So, after nearly several weeks I am at Hästhage and train my poor,weak body. Give me power everone!
Stephen - 15th Sept 2010
I was given the os, where they cut off the left part of the skull and removes the cancer (i think).
I was brought around but do not remember. After two days, 13 Aug my brain was bleeding and a new op had to be done. This time I was caused to stay asleep i two & half weeks.
Every friend did not know the out come of my life.
The 17th I managed to briefly show some life.
The 27th Aug I awoke and my life, weak as it was,said hi! I had both feet, hands, sight and touch. I managed to surprise the Drs and my lover together with fam friends and also close work colleagues. So, after nearly several weeks I am at Hästhage and train my poor,weak body. Give me power everone!
Stephen - 15th Sept 2010
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