So, this Tuesday we ended up in our Haninge flat after a 2 hour quick flight from Heathrow, London. Our week at the coast Goring-by-Sea with sister and husband, together with my lovely GF, became a week to miss. The meets with our old friends that turned up on different days was very nice and they looked after us wonderfully. The English pub meals were really tasty and the beer was tasty. Yes, beer! You see the Dr at the Huddinge centre popped in as I had given blood and told me and GF that I could fly and drink good old pub beer. It was wonderful to try this out since a long spell and a few days were good without a headache. If you wait too long without food it gives me a headache. If I take a pint it can give me a little sleep, which it did last Sunday. Oh Well!
So, talking about before the Goring-by Sea visit, we turned up at the Brain Cancer dept at Huddinge. I was now releases from the one month staying at the rehab place and getting used to the flat again. My 2nd son was there and things tried to revert in ordinary ways, with certain faults with his school visiting. I was now trying getting on with what was on for me and things took time but now, after the second run of 5th evening of taking 3x100 ml I was ready to have my hol. So, what’s up now? Well I suppose I’m going to have as ok as possible for the rest of my life, which is unknown really. Being run by the death bit is unknown and I need to have as good as I can. We will have to see what turns out in the near future.
Stephen
Thursday, 4 November 2010
Saturday, 16 October 2010
Sorrr.....
....if no showinw of cancer eaping out of the skull, no more cancer treatment for now until 9 Nov. Between then Goring-By-Sea will arrive. A part of agreeing with the nurses that 2 pints evening time will not do me harm. We will have to see.
Stephen
Stephen
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
What is it that actually functions around your own mind and body during the already known short life that awaits one at some time? What awaits you so you can possibly have a nice time with the life left, that one could deal with over a visiting period?
The knowledge that you will die earlier than the normal lucky lived, safe taken human, is a real shit. However, I am more aware that I will travel to my sister and her great husband, Alan, in England’s wonderful South Sea living town, Goring-by-Sea.
If things run during the second lot of cancer capsules around 20th Oct, maybe me and GF will have a chance to visit them until school goes back after half-time. It seems not exactly during the week of holiday for Mary as she has some work to do. No big problem as we can take it easy.
I will have to wait until app. 9th November to hear what the same day x-ray will show how much cancer I have. There might be a very weird reply that they cannot see the cancer but know, of course, its very small somewhere. Just now I feel run down with banged right knee/shins and also how I used to feel look after at Hästhagen. I can say that, again, the nurses and Drs were very close to me and very worth knowing.
I hope I will keep going for the time at see my family in England including my eldest sister, Tricia. Peter, my brother-in-law is still working at the school where they live in somewhere an hour from Alicante I think.
So that’s it for a while. See when I will write again.
Stephen
The knowledge that you will die earlier than the normal lucky lived, safe taken human, is a real shit. However, I am more aware that I will travel to my sister and her great husband, Alan, in England’s wonderful South Sea living town, Goring-by-Sea.
If things run during the second lot of cancer capsules around 20th Oct, maybe me and GF will have a chance to visit them until school goes back after half-time. It seems not exactly during the week of holiday for Mary as she has some work to do. No big problem as we can take it easy.
I will have to wait until app. 9th November to hear what the same day x-ray will show how much cancer I have. There might be a very weird reply that they cannot see the cancer but know, of course, its very small somewhere. Just now I feel run down with banged right knee/shins and also how I used to feel look after at Hästhagen. I can say that, again, the nurses and Drs were very close to me and very worth knowing.
I hope I will keep going for the time at see my family in England including my eldest sister, Tricia. Peter, my brother-in-law is still working at the school where they live in somewhere an hour from Alicante I think.
So that’s it for a while. See when I will write again.
Stephen
Tuesday, 12 October 2010
Last evening GF was tired at 21.00 and I wasn’t long after. I had a talk with my ex sister-in-law, who happened to ring suddenly before I went to bed.
I only had my duvet sheet on and felt blown, so I took the filler and lay it on the top.
This caused me to start moving around and not have a nice early morning at all. I became tired and after breakfast I had to doze before GF took me to the physio place at Handen hospital. After talking and trying to walk for 5 min as my right leg is not nice, I sort of sais to the nice trainer that I did not know what I wanted my life to be.
Working at your muscles and stuff seem to be things that over do what actually the thing to be taken seriously is. I kind of understand that my life could be pleasing if I could travel to my sisters and their husbands. Staying at Goring-by-Sea with them would be nice.
I don’t really know how my life will page out. Just now I’m fairly clear that the life expectancy is not known and my cancer level is not showing if one takes the x-ray done on the 11th Aug. As the fatal part is a certainly, the time it takes to do something could be one year or 6 months or 4 years.
What I really want is to knowing how much nice time I have of my life yet? I don’t want to keep going to cancer therapy, taking it to do things they say will keep my alive longer. What do they know?
I have a session of capsules over 5 days, maybe more, sometime around the 20th October. Will have to see what date it will be as it will fuck, up I guess, our holiday to my sis and hub which have the last week free in Oct. Also my bloody knee hurts like hell.
Stephen
I only had my duvet sheet on and felt blown, so I took the filler and lay it on the top.
This caused me to start moving around and not have a nice early morning at all. I became tired and after breakfast I had to doze before GF took me to the physio place at Handen hospital. After talking and trying to walk for 5 min as my right leg is not nice, I sort of sais to the nice trainer that I did not know what I wanted my life to be.
Working at your muscles and stuff seem to be things that over do what actually the thing to be taken seriously is. I kind of understand that my life could be pleasing if I could travel to my sisters and their husbands. Staying at Goring-by-Sea with them would be nice.
I don’t really know how my life will page out. Just now I’m fairly clear that the life expectancy is not known and my cancer level is not showing if one takes the x-ray done on the 11th Aug. As the fatal part is a certainly, the time it takes to do something could be one year or 6 months or 4 years.
What I really want is to knowing how much nice time I have of my life yet? I don’t want to keep going to cancer therapy, taking it to do things they say will keep my alive longer. What do they know?
I have a session of capsules over 5 days, maybe more, sometime around the 20th October. Will have to see what date it will be as it will fuck, up I guess, our holiday to my sis and hub which have the last week free in Oct. Also my bloody knee hurts like hell.
Stephen
Thursday, 7 October 2010
Life & Death
So, the 4 weeks or so at the very good physio therapy staying place at Hästhagen is over for me. I said goodbye to all those I felt near to as friend and nurse and doctor. The details of the tablets and stuff was made clear and GF and I left the place.
My death is not really clear as to when and how it will happen. About two weeks ago, on the Wednesday evening I took me first of five capsules containing 250 ml of cancer med. Interesting to know that they don't know the level of cancer I have. They need to run two lots of this, the next at the end of Oct. Each 5 capsules is counted as one run. So, after this one they will x-ray me and take blood probably. I will find out about the result. Maybe I'll throw the whole thing in the river and show a strange empty of things but still get the Dr saying there will still be cancer lurking about.
So, lets see what Stephen's result will give and hope he can hold off the crap so he can visit friends out of land and, hopefully together with GF, have a nice time.
A couple of beers in the evening can be on the order list. Life is short, so something can be order with the nice meal attached.
Until the next blog I bid adjour to all readers.
Stephen
My death is not really clear as to when and how it will happen. About two weeks ago, on the Wednesday evening I took me first of five capsules containing 250 ml of cancer med. Interesting to know that they don't know the level of cancer I have. They need to run two lots of this, the next at the end of Oct. Each 5 capsules is counted as one run. So, after this one they will x-ray me and take blood probably. I will find out about the result. Maybe I'll throw the whole thing in the river and show a strange empty of things but still get the Dr saying there will still be cancer lurking about.
So, lets see what Stephen's result will give and hope he can hold off the crap so he can visit friends out of land and, hopefully together with GF, have a nice time.
A couple of beers in the evening can be on the order list. Life is short, so something can be order with the nice meal attached.
Until the next blog I bid adjour to all readers.
Stephen
Sunday, 3 October 2010
T-Minus 3½ days
The 3rd of October is now 20.29 and its one of the latest times I’ve spent out of bed. GF, my wonderful living with girl, fetched me from the staying place at Hästhagen Friday afternoon. I was a nice time to get away and GF made some lovely un-hurting stomach that appeared from me 2 weeks ago.
My tablets have lowered so I no more have the injection jab in the stomach or pills mind-day. GF is very clever at being a nurse and could run the taking of the white/light brownish tabs plus the dissolved ones. I’ll have to learn this to put her free to go straight to bed after 07.00 end of the night ward station. She works very hard.
I will be leaving Hästhagen on Wednesday this week and getting my rehab together in Handen, where is near to my flat. It will take some time to get me weight and strength together as they should be.
My car use is out of the window as is my pedal bike unless an absolute hidden amazement does work to my eyes and rest of me.
Eyes are not together at certain levels of movement and still not visible on the right after keeping the eyes straight and moving the finger over the right half. The left side is ok but the left and right eyes cannot see right zone. Urghh!
So, now is the time to wait to the call from the cancer people and see if the x-ray will show what the result will be from the non-destructing thing. Yes, although 3cmx1.5cm was fully removed, the cancer Dr told us the remaining stuff will keep eating at me. Sounds like a wonderful thing. I have no idea how low the cancer and how longer it can be kept.
If it takes a year and nothing really happens, I thing I would rather go on a holiday, drinking beer and wine, eating good food and die in the end. What’s the worse? I could get these things I take and still get the Death! My life will not be left with years of tries and pass away without good things.
I hope I get to experience this without the result of flames showing the end of me…
My tablets have lowered so I no more have the injection jab in the stomach or pills mind-day. GF is very clever at being a nurse and could run the taking of the white/light brownish tabs plus the dissolved ones. I’ll have to learn this to put her free to go straight to bed after 07.00 end of the night ward station. She works very hard.
I will be leaving Hästhagen on Wednesday this week and getting my rehab together in Handen, where is near to my flat. It will take some time to get me weight and strength together as they should be.
My car use is out of the window as is my pedal bike unless an absolute hidden amazement does work to my eyes and rest of me.
Eyes are not together at certain levels of movement and still not visible on the right after keeping the eyes straight and moving the finger over the right half. The left side is ok but the left and right eyes cannot see right zone. Urghh!
So, now is the time to wait to the call from the cancer people and see if the x-ray will show what the result will be from the non-destructing thing. Yes, although 3cmx1.5cm was fully removed, the cancer Dr told us the remaining stuff will keep eating at me. Sounds like a wonderful thing. I have no idea how low the cancer and how longer it can be kept.
If it takes a year and nothing really happens, I thing I would rather go on a holiday, drinking beer and wine, eating good food and die in the end. What’s the worse? I could get these things I take and still get the Death! My life will not be left with years of tries and pass away without good things.
I hope I get to experience this without the result of flames showing the end of me…
At Stephens borrowed PC in Hästhage!
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Sorry about the "fuck" word
So here I am and trying to get together the things that are waiting to be known.
I made it from Karolinska after surprising the Dr. She thought it very good and I was sent to Hästhage training at Ersta. My eyes are still not so good and I do as much training as is handled. As I was very light (71.6), it took me no good working on my right leg the first time.
All the exercises were done kneeling. They are very good and I give as well as I can. However I couldn’t get the foot up right side. After 4 half hour visits for knee training I was able to pull my leg up from the right side without help and alternate with the other several times. At last, a success.
We continue with twisting of body, push ups, turning over and doing push ups of the back. These things.....
I cannot really write these things. They form a detail of things that should show the “I’m going to fight my battle at its highest. I’m not and my eyes do actually fill with water at times.
Waking on the 27th Aug made me aware that something had occurred and the subsequent of listening of what had occurred was quite astounding to know. I do not still have a memory yet of my life since the 3rd Aug.
Everything that had been discussed with the Operation technician was after that very first meeting on 3rd Aug gone. I have been told I was put on the op table the 11th Aug to work on my cancer at the front left side, in with my right side vision stuff. I was worked on for a longer time than that was originally planned, but taken off after many hours. The op had begun to give wakey-wakey and was aware, they say, of the waking.
Suddenly, on the 12 they found a problem with blood on the left side, under the worked on area. The 13th Aug it became critic and I slept (for me to remember) until the 27th Aug. It was then I began to call after me lovely GF, who had been in contact with Dr’s, nurses and my nearest from my old marriage and the ex-brother and sister-in-laws. They had all waited for death or speech or walk ends to my 2½ weeks light slumber. I had shown another deal to my self and caused another reaction.
I was very weak as 2½ weeks showed me that time had shrunk me. After 9 days I had stuff they were surprised over and they said it was time to move to Hästhage near Sickle, Nacka.
I moves there with ambulance taxi and got a bed in a room with three other patients. One of them, who was older and wheelchair ridden, coughed and snorted for at least 1½ weeks before we and Jerzy, called Jerry, got a new guy called Micke. Better threesome.
However it’s difficult to work every training session that is booked up. I worked at 71.6 and tried do as much as I could. Sometimes, when getting ready for sleep, my eyes gave up and I got great soothing and understand from Tune, one of my nurses and other was my women Dr, Lotta.
This is the fourth day after cancer tube tablet. I have one evening this Sunday tonight and then its 23 days before the next lot if it’s decided. I have cried a deal for myself and with my GF, who cries too.
My life seems to be totally out of synch with things that are not in my life. My eye sight has not gained that I wish for and I wish one day it will. I would love to drive again but it seems that the vision from the central to the right side is missing. To follow the stuff on the right I must move my whole head to see where I am looking. Even during normal day times I get tired and my focus loses it. Having great look ability is not ok just now and, sadly, another fuck for crying sometimes.
So now it’s 26th Sunday and time for lunch. It will be my first pause for 23 days after the last of the chemo plastic pill which gets swollen this evening at 21.00 after injections and tabs for epilepsy. I wonder why so much of it when I have never suffered from it before? Aha, they gave me the sodden thing for the first time ever.
At Stephens borrowed PC in Hästhage!
I made it from Karolinska after surprising the Dr. She thought it very good and I was sent to Hästhage training at Ersta. My eyes are still not so good and I do as much training as is handled. As I was very light (71.6), it took me no good working on my right leg the first time.
All the exercises were done kneeling. They are very good and I give as well as I can. However I couldn’t get the foot up right side. After 4 half hour visits for knee training I was able to pull my leg up from the right side without help and alternate with the other several times. At last, a success.
We continue with twisting of body, push ups, turning over and doing push ups of the back. These things.....
I cannot really write these things. They form a detail of things that should show the “I’m going to fight my battle at its highest. I’m not and my eyes do actually fill with water at times.
Waking on the 27th Aug made me aware that something had occurred and the subsequent of listening of what had occurred was quite astounding to know. I do not still have a memory yet of my life since the 3rd Aug.
Everything that had been discussed with the Operation technician was after that very first meeting on 3rd Aug gone. I have been told I was put on the op table the 11th Aug to work on my cancer at the front left side, in with my right side vision stuff. I was worked on for a longer time than that was originally planned, but taken off after many hours. The op had begun to give wakey-wakey and was aware, they say, of the waking.
Suddenly, on the 12 they found a problem with blood on the left side, under the worked on area. The 13th Aug it became critic and I slept (for me to remember) until the 27th Aug. It was then I began to call after me lovely GF, who had been in contact with Dr’s, nurses and my nearest from my old marriage and the ex-brother and sister-in-laws. They had all waited for death or speech or walk ends to my 2½ weeks light slumber. I had shown another deal to my self and caused another reaction.
I was very weak as 2½ weeks showed me that time had shrunk me. After 9 days I had stuff they were surprised over and they said it was time to move to Hästhage near Sickle, Nacka.
I moves there with ambulance taxi and got a bed in a room with three other patients. One of them, who was older and wheelchair ridden, coughed and snorted for at least 1½ weeks before we and Jerzy, called Jerry, got a new guy called Micke. Better threesome.
However it’s difficult to work every training session that is booked up. I worked at 71.6 and tried do as much as I could. Sometimes, when getting ready for sleep, my eyes gave up and I got great soothing and understand from Tune, one of my nurses and other was my women Dr, Lotta.
This is the fourth day after cancer tube tablet. I have one evening this Sunday tonight and then its 23 days before the next lot if it’s decided. I have cried a deal for myself and with my GF, who cries too.
My life seems to be totally out of synch with things that are not in my life. My eye sight has not gained that I wish for and I wish one day it will. I would love to drive again but it seems that the vision from the central to the right side is missing. To follow the stuff on the right I must move my whole head to see where I am looking. Even during normal day times I get tired and my focus loses it. Having great look ability is not ok just now and, sadly, another fuck for crying sometimes.
So now it’s 26th Sunday and time for lunch. It will be my first pause for 23 days after the last of the chemo plastic pill which gets swollen this evening at 21.00 after injections and tabs for epilepsy. I wonder why so much of it when I have never suffered from it before? Aha, they gave me the sodden thing for the first time ever.
At Stephens borrowed PC in Hästhage!
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